The Silent Storm — Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder

Laiba Rasheed
6 min readAug 6, 2023



In a silent, stormy world without the sunshine of healing and soothing, quiet borderline personality disorder is a painful inner turmoil hidden and locked away in a shattering and haunted realm. In this article, I’ll exchange my views on the most common personality disorder, its traits and symptoms, related experiences and opinions, and insight into Quiet BPD.

Quiet borderline personality traits are becoming more common today, affecting 1.6% of the general population of the US. The survey is still unclear because of frequent misdiagnoses and underdiagnoses. They are mostly afraid to get rejected or dismissed by their therapists, which adds to the uncertain statistics.

How does it feel to be in an endless, invisible struggle?

Waking up to hopelessness, fatigued posture, thousands of questions left unanswered, Inner devastation, unheard screams, and an invisible struggle. Having quiet BPD not only provokes suicidal tendencies but also gives birth to countless fears and paranoid imaginations.

Living in constant fear of rejection and being manipulated by others. Not being able to express your feelings and fears, being unable to communicate your needs and wants, being unable to justify your cold behavior, struggling with all the internal complications causing self-harm, and being anxious about upcoming troubles. That is how quiet BPD is different from regular BPD.

A Closer Look into their Lives

Irregular routines and exhausting life setups. Set of unhealthy coping mechanisms due to poor relationship management skills fed by our families. Fear of abandonment and rejection led us to mask our inner selves.

Pretending to be someone else so that people can accept us if we act like them. Unable to regulate emotions because of overwhelming hypersensitivity to emotional pain. Isolating ourselves due to a sense of lack of worthiness and guilt about being happy. Removing every inch of joy from our lives because we know it will end up disheartening us.

Rapid mood swings and being hyperfocused on a single emotion are the hardest to live with. It’s like drowning in an ocean of fire; if someone comes for rescue, they can’t save us without destroying themselves. Life just falls out of place with a silent borderline.

Social Anxiety and Coping Mechanisms

Classic Borderline personality disorder traits differ from those of a quiet borderline personality disorder in terms of releasing emotions. Some people tend to hurt others by throwing things and cutting themselves deeply and some people who are quiet strugglers tend to hide their pain for years through alcohol and smoking addictions, binge eating, biting, pulling their own hair, and banging heads against the wall.

However, the coping mechanism of silent BPD individuals is a very unhealthy way of managing stress-related situations. Without a proper guide and a therapist, an accepting community, sincere listeners, and observers, people with this disorder struggle with horrifying challenges internally without letting anyone know.

They isolate themselves, often zoned out in depressed thought, constantly fighting to put on an act when surrounded by people. Camouflaging their original selves into the one that is the ideal and standard personality for society. Even if it means being outspoken and sarcastic, laughing and cracking jokes, and sitting in an active posture, they’ll do anything to fit in. And sometimes, they will act cold and aloof to avoid engaging in conversations and developing friendly relations.

Furthermore, individuals with Quiet BPD with different personality traits also have positive coping mechanisms, such as playing with an object (a cube, rubber balls, or spinner), dancing and singing carelessly, and spending time in nature. These are the effective yet healthy coping techniques that are rarely seen in an individual with Quiet BPD.

Symptoms of Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder

These symptoms can vary from person to person, depending on their past experiences.

  • Intense fear of abandonment
  • Extreme emotional instability
  • Sense of emotional void and hollowness
  • Cannot express emotions
  • Highly introverted
  • Insecurities and fear of rejection
  • Constant guilt of unworthiness
  • Self-harm
  • No self-confidence and self-esteem
  • Indecisive and short-tempered
  • Paranoid thinking
  • Empathetic but unexpressive
  • Undeveloped personality

What causes quiet BPD?

Physical and verbal abuse, childhood traumas, divorced or unstable parents, bad parenting, sexual harassment, an invalidating and backward society, a dismissed environment, fear of abandonment, losing a loved one, and genetics are a variety of causes that can give birth to Borderline personality disorder.

This disorder began to hide when one needed to protect themselves from people’s rejections and judgments. One starts to model others’ attitudes, walks, behaviors, and gestures to fit in while losing their real self. It’s a quiet storm with an invisible time bomb.

How do you Treat Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder?

A helping hand will end the invisible struggle. There are multiple therapy options to treat this type of disorder. But masking for a long time can lead therapists to misdiagnose this disorder. An official diagnosis is a blessing for those who seek validation and answers.

Moreover, A helping hand is always there, you just need the courage to grab it and trust it. These therapies are proven methods of reversing Quiet borderline personality disorder.

  • Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) focuses on mindfulness, and learning to control and regulate emotions.
  • Schema Therapy helps in analyzing unhealthy patterns and turning them into positive coping methods.
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) identifies negative life choices and gives insight into positive approaches toward difficult situations.
  • Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) helps one determine one’s own emotions and makes us see our mirror selves, helping us reflect and practice positive adaptation.

Other Helping Hands

A caring soulmate

The best therapist would be a caring and thoughtful person. A doctor can prescribe, a therapist can resolve, but a human will mend the broken soul. If you know someone with this disorder, you are obliged to give your 100% acceptance and patience to that person. That person is waiting for a hand, a hand from whom is trustworthy, unpretentious, and understanding, who has the courage to be there in those nasty breakdowns and episodes.

A loyal pet

Humans are not always the best option, as they have minds that can trick, manipulate, and gaslight you. That’s why having a pet is far better than being around disloyal so-called friends. A pet is known for its therapeutic behavior and nature, which will distract a person with a quiet borderline personality disorder. It will create a carefree world for you in which you can be yourselves without anyone judging or rejecting you. They will only love you for who you are, and eventually, you’ll start to feel your lost worth.

Art and symphony

Music and art are the best companions for reducing the causes of BPD. Keeping yourself busy creating art and being lost in the world of expressionism and abstraction will allow you to pour your soul into the art and relieve your insides. Additionally, music and rhythm can also be used as an escape from worldly noise. You can immerse yourself in the melodies of your joy and create a world of your own. It might be a temporary escape, but it will give you the courage to fight your inner storm.

Final Verdict

To all thr individuals barely surviving with BPD, step out of your haunted cage and live! Grab your art brush and paint your unsaid words. Put on those headphones and get lost in the mellifluous sound. Take that perfect little paw in your hand and let it caress you.

Believe in yourself; you are worthy of love and affirmations. You deserve endless validation and assurance. You are not demanding. You are someone you should be proud of. You are the winner of your everyday struggle. Trust yourself, and dare yourself once again to love someone. Let someone heal you.

Listen to people who are suffering from borderline personality disorder. They are not delusional or paranoid; make them feel validated by your actions and words.

Even today, quiet BPD, or regular BPD, is seen as a shameful thing, something that needs to be hidden so the world cannot hear their screams. Learn to accept these mental challenges so the next generation can have someone to talk to. Be the change!

Do let me know what challenges you are going through as a quiet borderliner and how this article helped you. Thank you!